inferiorwit: (socks)
2015-12-21 11:49 am

[sticky entry] Sticky: where to find my garbage

me:

secularbakedgoods.tumblr.com - Mostly reblogs. Not much original content right now. Some day, hopefully soon, I'll stop using it altogether.

twitter.com/inferiorwit - watch me completely lose my mind in airports.

instagram.com/inferiorwit -  HOW DO I INSTA THE GRAMS

my writing:

archiveofourown.org/users/WitticasterCole - mostly Teen Wolf fanfiction. Some new stuff coming soon. I hope. Most of my fics are only visible to registered AO3 users because of reasons.

gumroad.com/inferiorwit - my ebooks. Pay whatever you want, or pay nothing.

amazon.com/author/kitwalker - my author page on Amazon. I also have books up for sale on Kobo.

wattpad.com/user/inferiorwit - I don't really understand Wattpad and I'm still trying to turn this into a viable portal for reading my garbage.

podcasts:

The Jem Jam - an episode-by-episode recap of the ridiculous animated 80s sci-fi soap opera Jem and the Holograms. Available on YouTube, iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher.

I Will Fight You - three grown women argue over terrible movies and television. Available on YouTube, iTunes, Podbean, and Stitcher.

inferiorwit: (Default)
2017-08-30 09:32 pm

So it was movie night at work tonight...

... and because I work with a bunch of nerds we came to the conclusion that The Mummy (the real one from 1999, not the 2017 abomination) is basically a D&D campaign.

Evie is the bard who saves the day with historical knowledge and ancient Egyptian incantations. Jonathan is the rogue and her IRL brother who drives her to the game, so of course he had to play too. His stats are terrible but he rolls absurdly high all the time. Rick is the fighter who refuses to just attack-attack-attack every turn and insists on doing cool stunts, despite the fact that he rolls low on every ability check. Ardeth poured a lot of world lore into his character but could only make it to the very first and very last session. Winston is the seasoned roleplayer who doesn’t have time to game very often so he showed up for one session and hinted very heavily to the DM that he wanted an epic death scene. Beni had to bow out of the game a few sessions in, so the DM turned him into the villain’s minion.



The DM is very frustrated that Rick wanted to shoot his way through the treasure room puzzle and even more frustrated that he rolled a natural 20.
inferiorwit: (goat)
2017-01-21 05:53 pm
Entry tags:

moments from today's fleeting yet profound human connection with the girl who works at the bookshop

me: Hi, quick question. The website says you have a Dungeon Master's screen in stock but I can't find it on the shelf?
her: oh god
-

her, scanning the shelf: Wait, these don't go here.
her: (starts pulling books off the shelf)
me: Was that a gluten-free cookbook? In the gaming section?
her, with incredible weariness: YES.
-

her: Okay, let's check when it came in.
her:
her: July 9th.
me: Oh Jesus, it could be anywhere by now.
her: Right???
-

me: So I'm guessing you don't move a lot of these.
her: WE DON'T.
-

her: Let's see if any of our other stores have it.
her: There's one in stock at... the Edmonton International Airport.
me: Right, of course.
her: Of course that's where it is.
-

me: This isn't a big deal, I just had $10 left on a gift card I wanted to spend.
her: YEAH BUT IT'S GONNA BUG ME NOW
-

her: I can call the airport location...?
me: I'm not going to the airport for a DM screen.
her: Yeah, I figured.
-

me: Well, thanks for the help, at least.
her: I'm probably gonna find it the moment you leave.
me: Probably.
inferiorwit: (pony)
2017-01-11 06:27 pm
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I have never seen Fight Club all the way through

It occurs to me that Tyler Durden being an idealized fantasy version of the narrator’s inner self would have a very different meaning in the year of our lord 2017. In a modern remake of Fight Club, the role of Tyler Durden could, realistically, be played by a 7-foot-tall anthropomorphic fox woman.

“I look like you wanna look and fuck like you wanna fuck,” says Tyler, a neon pink sparkledog with anime hair and huge titties.
inferiorwit: (socks)
2016-10-23 06:13 pm

a quick guide to Dungeons & Dragons campaign settings

“I want to play D&D but I’m so bored with medieval fantasy.”

Eberron.

“I was hoping for more of a gothic horror vibe.”

Ravenloft.

“Wait, scratch the gothic stuff, I want more of a weird alien Dune-type thing.”

Dark Sun.

“Too dark, I just want to do D&D in spaaaace!

Spelljammer
.

“Fuck it, I want to play every setting at once and also make a day trip to hell so I can punch the devil right in his dick.”

Planescape.
inferiorwit: (pony)
2016-10-16 02:57 pm
Entry tags:

on sandboxes

"Fanfiction is bad because it's made by lazy writers who don't work on developing their own characters or concepts!"

Okay, disregarding the fact that this is blatantly untrue on multiple levels:

A significant number of writers (perhaps the majority) support themselves by working on intellectual properties they don't own. TV writers, comic book writers, video game writers, writers who work on licensed novels, and an increasing number of screenwriters all earn a living by playing in somebody else's sandbox.

The job market and publishing industries being what they are, any writer who doesn't have a wealthy spouse or a trust fund needs to learn how to tell interesting stories within the rules of an established IP. Fanfiction isn't just "a hobby" or "practicing for real writing." It's the cultivation of an extremely useful job skill.
inferiorwit: (whirl)
2016-09-04 04:33 pm

(no subject)

It turns out cleaning sprays can help kill flies, so now my brother’s punishment for leaving food out is the sight of me stalking around our apartment in the dead of night, armed with a bottle of Windex and a sandal.
inferiorwit: (Default)
2016-08-13 12:00 pm
Entry tags:

look, we all regret the 90s

I know it’s fashionable to goof on Rob Liefeld, and the way he draws women is truly horrifying, but then you see the way he draws men and it’s like “oh, that’s just how he thinks people look.”

I mean, there are so many artists out there who devote tremendous care and attention to making sure the men they draw are anatomically plausible with diverse body types, but when asked to draw women, just scribble the same Barbie-shaped lady 8 times with different hair colors and trace porn stills for their faces.

Compared to that, Liefeld’s art is almost egalitarian, in its own bizarre way.
inferiorwit: (pony)
2016-08-06 03:30 pm

Clark Kent, Boy Reporter

In anticipation of there suddenly being way more Superman fic out there, I figured I’d put together a tip sheet for people who want to write about Clark doing journalism for a living. This is nowhere near an exhaustive guide, just a quick rundown of where I keep seeing writers slip up.

Source: two generations of my family worked in newspapers and I considered journalism as a career before Postmedia made it way less appealing. If anyone has any corrections or stuff they’d like to add, please do.

general stuff:
  • I fell down a research hole on the DC wiki and still can’t figure out what Clark’s major is. It’s not necessarily journalism. There’s no one degree that qualifies you to be a journalist.
    • when my dad was hiring for his papers, he usually preferred English majors over journalism majors, because “the English majors were better writers.” This is probably not empirically true.
  • Comics and movies usually portray Perry White as the autocratic overlord of The Daily Planet, making all the editorial decisions, responsible for hundreds of employees, yet only interacting with the same three or four all the time. In reality, a lot of what Perry White does in the comics gets delegated out to a small army of section editors and assignment editors and managing editors and look there’s a lot of editors, okay? The EIC is the boss of the whole operation, but he doesn’t spend the whole day bellowing orders from his office because if he did, he wouldn’t get anything else done.
  • Print newspapers get most of their revenue from ads. There can be significant pressure not to piss off the advertisers, especially these days.
  • Some newspapers have embraced the digital age. Some haven’t. Some use paywalls on their websites. Some don’t.
  • The most unbelievable thing in Man of Steel was that a newspaper in the year of our lord 2013 had that many employees and was hiring.
writing about writing
  • Some journalists are better at reporting than writing. Some are better at writing than reporting.
  • Your average news article is structured so that all the most important details are at the beginning of the story, with the least important details at the end. If fiction stories start with “it was a dark and stormy night” and end with “the butler did it,” then news stories start with “the butler did it” and end with “it was a dark and stormy night.”
  • News articles are supposed to be objective. Personal opinions are usually confined to editorials or columns.
  • Because news articles are supposed to be objective, they will usually strive for “balance.” If a story involves a controversial issue, the writer will often seek out contrasting opinions so the reader can see both sides of the issue and make up their own mind.
    • This can sometimes lead to “balance bias,” where the most seemingly benign statement in an article is contrasted with the ramblings of some yahoo for the sake of fairness.
  • Articles are usually quite short–less than 1000 words. Longer, more in-depth features happen either because the issue in question requires it, or because the feature is on a topic considered “timeless” and isn’t subject to the same kind of deadline pressure.
hip newspaper lingo
  • Art is a photo or diagram or whatever used to accompany a story. Pretty pictures used to catch the eye and illustrate the article.
  • A reporter’s beat is the subject that they usually cover, such as crime or politics. A reporter who’s an expert on a particular subject is a correspondent.
  • The big unwieldy newspapers are broadsheets. Small commuter papers are tabloids. Broadsheets are usually considered more prestigious and reliable than tabloids.
  • Copy is any written material. Copy editors edit copy, make sure there are no legal issues, write headlines, and figure out where to place a story in the newspaper’s layout.
  • Stories will sometimes be under embargo, where they can’t be published until after a certain date or time.
  • If an editor decides not to run a story, that story’s been killed or spiked.
  • The first paragraph of a news article, with all the important details, is called the lede. Deliberately or accidentally placing important details later in the story is called burying the lede.
  • Wire services (commonly shortened to “wire” or “the wire”) are syndication services that provide stories and art to various newspapers (and TV and radio stations) for a fee. Reuters, Associated Press, etc. If you’re a copy editor and you need filler or art or whatever, you grab it off the wire.
movies to watch:
  • All the President’s Men - pretty good look at the realities of investigative reporting (hint: there are a lot of tedious phone calls involved). The filmmakers were so dedicated to accuracy that they had the Washington Post’s garbage shipped in so they could put it in the movie set’s trash cans.
  • The Paper - 24 hours in the life of a New York tabloid. Michael Keaton’s in it. Great look at the day-to-day operation of a newsroom and the relationship between reporters, editors, and the editor-in-chief. Also it’s really goddamn funny.
UM OKAY THIS POST IS WAY LONGER THAN I INTENDED IT TO BE

BYE
inferiorwit: (whirl)
2016-07-15 10:27 pm
Entry tags:

my extremely brief Ghostbusters review

okay so Ghostbusters had me giggling and clapping constantly

several people in the next row turned around to get a look at the annoying child sitting behind them and instead saw me, a 25-year-old woman with a job and a good credit rating

10/10, would embarrass myself in public again
inferiorwit: (socks)
2016-06-01 02:40 pm
Entry tags:

everything is terrible

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I’m really sick of seeing writers who should know better say things like, “Tragedy is more compelling than stories where characters have a nice day and nothing bad happens!” without understanding why.
 
Tragedy is an effective story element when it’s a deviation from the norm. A character’s peaceful existence is disrupted by a catastrophic event that throws everything into chaos. The character now has to either develop so they can cope with the new status quo, or find a way to put things back the way they were. There’s a good story in that.
 
But when a character’s life is an unrelenting cavalcade of misery, another heaping dose of shit isn’t all that interesting. At that point, a compelling deviation from the norm would be said character having a nice day where nothing bad happens. And modern fiction is chock-full of misery porn, so by this logic, it’s no wonder the coffee shop AU is such a popular fanfiction trope.
 
Derek Hale getting a dog and putting his life back together is way more interesting than Derek Hale’s life getting worse for the 26th consecutive episode. Creators like to hold up “everything is fine and nobody dies” as a sign that fanfic is bland and badly written, but if anything, it’s an indicator that mainstream fiction is bland and badly written. 
inferiorwit: (pony)
2016-03-23 04:22 pm

An Open Letter

Dear Disney,

I’m gonna be talking shit about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice anyway, so I will happily accept any money you wanna pay me to do so.

Hugs and kisses,
Kit
inferiorwit: (socks)
2016-02-20 08:54 pm
Entry tags:

consensus reality

Okay, so when my dad was in high school there was this really popular novel called Valley of the Dolls. Everyone thought Valley of the Dolls was the next great work of literature, the must-read of the decade.

So my dad picked up a copy of Valley of the Dolls. He started reading, and it wasn’t very good. But everybody seemed to think this was just the best book ever, so he assumed it must get really good further in.

Then the book ended.

This is all my roundabout way of saying that I’ve got the first Captive Prince book on my Kobo, but I haven’t read it because I’m worried it’ll be my Valley of the Dolls.

(Epilogue: one morning a few years ago, I was reading that week’s bestseller list aloud. I got to the name “Jacqueline Susann” and my dad immediately piped up with, “That’s the bitch who wrote Valley of the Dolls!

It’s been 50 years. He's still not over it.)
inferiorwit: (pony)
2016-01-06 01:14 am

one day I'm going to fight Terry Brooks

My brief review of the Shannara Chronicles premiere: not gay enough.

My less brief review: it suffers from pilot-itis, where the script is so desperate to explain who these characters are and their relationships with each other that the dialogue is nothing but “Hello, my best friend since childhood! Remember when that plot-significant thing happened? Here are my motivations, in order from most to least important.”

That said, if you enjoy watching Manu Bennett do his best Angsty Gandalf impression, this just might be your show.

“Elfstones” continues to be the most cringeworthy retainer-slurping arrangement of syllables ever produced by the English language, and hearing it spoken out loud doesn’t help.
inferiorwit: (Default)
2015-12-25 02:39 pm
Entry tags:

merr chrismas



My dog hates this headband. Like. REALLY hates it. She keeps trying to jump up onto my shoulders so she can kill it. She weighs 15 pounds.
inferiorwit: (pony)
2015-12-21 10:24 pm
Entry tags:

so I saw a star war

It was a very entertaining movie, and I really enjoyed it. But it felt like J.J. Abrams decided, very early on in the production, that his Star Wars movie was going to do every single thing the first Star Wars movie did, only louder.

Also, SPOILERS )
inferiorwit: (Default)
2015-12-21 11:47 am
Entry tags:

high fantasy

I think the problem with a lot of fantasy authors is that they look at Tolkien’s bad habits, such as his tendency to waste the reader’s time with pointless bullshit, and think, “well, Lord of the Rings was good, therefore this must also be good and I should definitely try to incorporate this into my own work.” Which is how we get droves of cookie-cutter novels that digress into lethally boring minutiae for pages at a time and call it “world-building.”
inferiorwit: (pony)
2015-12-21 10:25 am
Entry tags:

my Wattpad experience, in a nutshell:

“‘Ordinary teenage girl is secretly super special.’ Next.”

“‘Ordinary twentysomething dude is secretly super special.’ Next.”

“Six novels’ worth of anime catboy porn. Next.”

“Why is there so much Maze Runner fanfiction on here?”

“Oh, hey, this one’s actually pretty good–no, wait, now the narrator’s ranting about Obamacare. Next.”

“Shoehorned heterosexual romance. Next.”

“Bleeding Cowboys on the cover. Next.”

“Did… did someone just copypaste the entirety of Pride and Prejudice onto here? What the fuck?”
inferiorwit: (socks)
2015-07-16 02:10 pm
Entry tags:

prime directive

Okay, so years and years and years ago I used to hang out on a website called “Portal of Evil.” Way back in Web 1.0, before social networking and wikis and such, PoE’s purpose was to catalog and comment on the strange, shocking, or incomprehensible corners of the internet. Usually furries, bad webcomics, and bad furry webcomics.

Discussion in the Portal of Evil messageboard tended to range from loving bemusement to downright cruelty, but PoE had one abiding rule. And because the website was full of fucking nerds, that rule was called “The Prime Directive.”

In Star Trek, the Prime Directive states that less-advanced civilizations are not to be meddled with. On PoE, the Prime Directive stated that the individuals or groups discussed on the portal were never to be contacted, and especially not directed towards the portal.

Portal of Evil basically functioned as the observation blind of the internet. You were allowed to mock some guy’s GeoCities website about installing fake vaginas in plush animals, but only where he couldn’t (and, ideally, would never) see it.

In the years since Portal of Evil shut down, the Prime Directive seems to have been largely abandoned. I’m not particularly happy about that. An observation blind exists to protect both the observer and the observed, and now that barrier’s gone.

And for all the modern internet’s obscure wikis and surrealist humor, I can’t help but feel like it’s lost the beautiful strangeness that allowed Portal of Evil to thrive.
inferiorwit: (whirl)
2015-06-30 05:18 pm
Entry tags:

the ugly truth

7-11 has this promotional app thing where if you get 6 slurpees, the 7th is free, and on the one hand it would probably make financial sense for me to sign up but on the other I feel like it would mean admitting something about myself that I don’t want to admit.