inferiorwit: (socks)
Okay, so when my dad was in high school there was this really popular novel called Valley of the Dolls. Everyone thought Valley of the Dolls was the next great work of literature, the must-read of the decade.

So my dad picked up a copy of Valley of the Dolls. He started reading, and it wasn’t very good. But everybody seemed to think this was just the best book ever, so he assumed it must get really good further in.

Then the book ended.

This is all my roundabout way of saying that I’ve got the first Captive Prince book on my Kobo, but I haven’t read it because I’m worried it’ll be my Valley of the Dolls.

(Epilogue: one morning a few years ago, I was reading that week’s bestseller list aloud. I got to the name “Jacqueline Susann” and my dad immediately piped up with, “That’s the bitch who wrote Valley of the Dolls!

It’s been 50 years. He's still not over it.)
inferiorwit: (pony)
My brief review of the Shannara Chronicles premiere: not gay enough.

My less brief review: it suffers from pilot-itis, where the script is so desperate to explain who these characters are and their relationships with each other that the dialogue is nothing but “Hello, my best friend since childhood! Remember when that plot-significant thing happened? Here are my motivations, in order from most to least important.”

That said, if you enjoy watching Manu Bennett do his best Angsty Gandalf impression, this just might be your show.

“Elfstones” continues to be the most cringeworthy retainer-slurping arrangement of syllables ever produced by the English language, and hearing it spoken out loud doesn’t help.
inferiorwit: (Default)


My dog hates this headband. Like. REALLY hates it. She keeps trying to jump up onto my shoulders so she can kill it. She weighs 15 pounds.
inferiorwit: (pony)
It was a very entertaining movie, and I really enjoyed it. But it felt like J.J. Abrams decided, very early on in the production, that his Star Wars movie was going to do every single thing the first Star Wars movie did, only louder.

Also, SPOILERS )
inferiorwit: (socks)
me:

secularbakedgoods.tumblr.com - Mostly reblogs. Not much original content right now. Some day, hopefully soon, I'll stop using it altogether.

twitter.com/inferiorwit - watch me completely lose my mind in airports.

instagram.com/inferiorwit -  HOW DO I INSTA THE GRAMS

my writing:

archiveofourown.org/users/WitticasterCole - mostly Teen Wolf fanfiction. Some new stuff coming soon. I hope. Most of my fics are only visible to registered AO3 users because of reasons.

gumroad.com/inferiorwit - my ebooks. Pay whatever you want, or pay nothing.

amazon.com/author/kitwalker - my author page on Amazon. I also have books up for sale on Kobo.

wattpad.com/user/inferiorwit - I don't really understand Wattpad and I'm still trying to turn this into a viable portal for reading my garbage.

podcasts:

The Jem Jam - an episode-by-episode recap of the ridiculous animated 80s sci-fi soap opera Jem and the Holograms. Available on YouTube, iTunes, Soundcloud, and Stitcher.

I Will Fight You - three grown women argue over terrible movies and television. Available on YouTube, iTunes, Podbean, and Stitcher.

inferiorwit: (Default)
I think the problem with a lot of fantasy authors is that they look at Tolkien’s bad habits, such as his tendency to waste the reader’s time with pointless bullshit, and think, “well, Lord of the Rings was good, therefore this must also be good and I should definitely try to incorporate this into my own work.” Which is how we get droves of cookie-cutter novels that digress into lethally boring minutiae for pages at a time and call it “world-building.”
inferiorwit: (pony)
“‘Ordinary teenage girl is secretly super special.’ Next.”

“‘Ordinary twentysomething dude is secretly super special.’ Next.”

“Six novels’ worth of anime catboy porn. Next.”

“Why is there so much Maze Runner fanfiction on here?”

“Oh, hey, this one’s actually pretty good–no, wait, now the narrator’s ranting about Obamacare. Next.”

“Shoehorned heterosexual romance. Next.”

“Bleeding Cowboys on the cover. Next.”

“Did… did someone just copypaste the entirety of Pride and Prejudice onto here? What the fuck?”
inferiorwit: (socks)
Okay, so years and years and years ago I used to hang out on a website called “Portal of Evil.” Way back in Web 1.0, before social networking and wikis and such, PoE’s purpose was to catalog and comment on the strange, shocking, or incomprehensible corners of the internet. Usually furries, bad webcomics, and bad furry webcomics.

Discussion in the Portal of Evil messageboard tended to range from loving bemusement to downright cruelty, but PoE had one abiding rule. And because the website was full of fucking nerds, that rule was called “The Prime Directive.”

In Star Trek, the Prime Directive states that less-advanced civilizations are not to be meddled with. On PoE, the Prime Directive stated that the individuals or groups discussed on the portal were never to be contacted, and especially not directed towards the portal.

Portal of Evil basically functioned as the observation blind of the internet. You were allowed to mock some guy’s GeoCities website about installing fake vaginas in plush animals, but only where he couldn’t (and, ideally, would never) see it.

In the years since Portal of Evil shut down, the Prime Directive seems to have been largely abandoned. I’m not particularly happy about that. An observation blind exists to protect both the observer and the observed, and now that barrier’s gone.

And for all the modern internet’s obscure wikis and surrealist humor, I can’t help but feel like it’s lost the beautiful strangeness that allowed Portal of Evil to thrive.
inferiorwit: (whirl)
7-11 has this promotional app thing where if you get 6 slurpees, the 7th is free, and on the one hand it would probably make financial sense for me to sign up but on the other I feel like it would mean admitting something about myself that I don’t want to admit.
inferiorwit: (pony)
So I’ve been reading a Cary Grant biography I bought at the library book sale and it’s starting to look like it was written by a fanfiction author:

In his early movies especially, the camera quickly discovered and magnified the perfection of his features, the beautiful dark and sharp eyes that sat carved beneath his thick black brows, the handsome nose, the flawlessly smooth skin, the thick, slick hair always perfectly cut and parted, and that remarkable cleft in his chin, whose two smooth and curved bulges resembled nothing so much as a beautiful woman’s naked behind while she was on her knees in sexual supplication before the godlike monument of his face.


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